The Susan Lucci of Dating

A new girl friend of mine made a comment the other week that really made me think. Obviously, when girls get together we mostly dish about dates and dudes and the hardships that come with finding a decent one that doesn’t keep you a dirty secret (I know, how Sex and the City of us!). Her comment, come to think of it, parallels with something a male friend of mine made when I told him my last boyfriend pulled a Jesse James on me.

She: “It’s hard to get into a serious relationship in the city”

He: “The city is full of sluts”

I have no idea where to go from here. Do I defend the city? Do I defend myself? I’m pretty sure this girl has never been to Brampton or Georgetown or Orangeville. It’s much harder dating in the suburbs, unless your definition of a good time is overeating at East Side Mario’s, walking around the mall and seeing D list movies.

Since living in the downtown core of Toronto, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some interesting folks. You know, aside from those that ask me for change, start drunken fights or defecate in the park in broad daylight. I’m talking about real interesting folks. Those with bewildering point of views, a sense of adventure and bold ambitions. Those who actually give a detailed response to “What’s going on?” Major deal breaker: saying “not much” every time. Yawn.

When it comes to dating downtown, I’m a fan. Subcription, please? There are a million places to go, a million things to do in comparison to the bleak ‘burbs. On the downside, there’s a bevy of pretentious, snobby people who only want to talk about art and eat vegan cheese. Maybe my friend is right, you can have all the fun you want in the city but can you really settle down here? Since I don’t want to settle down just yet (or ever?), I’ve spoken to friends that do and the consensus is to nab a sweetheart and start families in the small towns they come from.

Now, just because I’m not ready to share an apartment with a paramour and purchase the latest Honda minivan, doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with half the male population in the city just for kicks. Well, that could have been me a couple years ago but with the dawn of a new decade comes the dawn of a new Natalia; my heart has somehow fallen on my sleeve and I can’t get it off. Like I do with everything that comes my way, I roll with it. Sometimes you get an itch inside of you (not the one that requires Vagisil, gross!) to seek out someone actually decent and worthy of your time. Unfortunately, I never read the manual on this kind of thing, so I keep forgetting about this weird thing called “feelings”. This may come on the first date or on the fourteenth date. It’s annoying but you can’t deny it or else it will keep you up all night – like the unfortunate [looking] babies on Teen Mom.



I can't say why dear friends come to me for dating advice since I have the worst track record of all time. I’m the Susan Lucci of dating. None the less, I notice I keep repeating myself to all my girl friends who find themselves in tricky situations with boys who clearly can’t grow into men. Perhaps these friends dig my brutal honesty and the “don’t stand for that, take him out with the trash” attitude I seem to have. Too bad they don’t dig the idea to walk away when things get sketchy and find someone better. Unlike these friends, I have the ability to walk the other way when said things get sketchy and hit the fan. I thank all those Bikini Kill albums I used to worship in my teen years. I love being there for my friends but sometimes I’m sick of consoling those who run into the same problem over and over again. Instead of repeating myself any further, because I can name people at the moment who should know a thing or too, I’ll share my take right here and now. Capiche?

- If he constantly texts instead of calling, he’s basically telling you he doesn’t have balls. A real man calls and speaks to you voice-to-voice, if not in person, if he truly cares to know how your day went.

- If you’ve been seeing a guy for a while and he still hasn’t introduced you to his friends, chances are he’s sleeping with someone else his friends know about.

- If a dude is too scared to hold your hand or kiss in public even after the fact that you’ve declared yourselves exclusive, he’s a sad wimp. No one should date a sad wimp.

- If the only time he wants to hang out is at 3 a.m., you obviously know why. No one ever really becomes girlfriend material after 3 a.m. Vice versa for the guys. Watch out for us man eaters.

- Finding your soul mate at the grocery store is a crock of shit. Chances are, it’ll happen while dancing at a club to Lil Wayne. And by soul mate I mean big mistake. Don’t stress over rushing into a monogamous relationship. I can’t stress how annoying it is to see so many girls whining on their Facebook status about a lack of a boyfriend and posting pictures of couples kissing on Tumblr. I want to just to punch something in the throat every time I see that nonsense.

Alas, I will end with saying that sure, sometimes at the end of the day I think we all want someone to play Scrabble with. Until then, make like yours truly and downloaded the PC version you can play all on your own.